


Well, you can hide a lot about yourself

by the_piss_on_ronald_reagans_grave



Category: Midsummer Night's Dream - Shakespeare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, F/M, Gen, I just wanted an excuse to kill off one specific character in the play, Murder Mystery AU, Okay full disclaimer: I don’t know shit about csi, Tags will be updated, This started as an English assigment, im just winging it because it came to me in a vision of creative inspiration and rage, no editing we die like men, or murder mysteries in general, when will god stop my sinful hand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:13:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27385507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_piss_on_ronald_reagans_grave/pseuds/the_piss_on_ronald_reagans_grave
Summary: Four people, two love triangles, one dead body. The best detective in Athens is on the case.
Relationships: Demetrius/Helena (Midsummer Night's Dream), Demetrius/Hermia (Midsummer Night's Dream), Hermia/Lysander (Midsummer Night's Dream)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is the first line from MCR’s “Kill All Your Friends”  
> This fic started out as an English assignment— we had to write fanfiction using 15 vocabulary words. Anyone who can guess and comment the words wins a prize :)

The woods Helena found herself in were dark and twisted, and she was entirely alone. Earlier that night, she saw her ex-fiance Demetrius run into the woods, possibly running after or away from someone. She could not see where he was now, and as she paced through the dense trees a sense of trepidation and fear filled her.  
Then, she saw it— through the trees, she saw a clearing, two figures running in her direction, and a mass on the ground that she couldn’t quite make out the shape of. She stepped into the clearing.  
The two figures were Hermia and Lysander— the woman who had stolen Demetrius’ heart from Helena, and Hermia’s boyfriend. But the mass on the ground…  
Helena moved closer and was shocked by what she saw— it was Demetrius’ dead body.

***

The autopsy revealed that the main cause of death was poison, and he had been dead for approximately 9 hours before being found, marking the time of death at about 5:00 pm. There was blood on his clothes, but no discernible injuries that it could’ve come from. In fact, the scientists performing the autopsy couldn’t see any external injuries or signs of struggle.

The detective on the case, Robin “Puck” Goodfellow, was said to be the best in Athens.

The first witness interrogated was Helena, as she was the one to report the body.  
“Can you describe, in detail, what happened that night?” Puck asked her.  
“Well, I had run into Demetrius much earlier that day--he seemed to be having some sort of fight with Lysander—”  
“Can you describe your relationships with both men? And their relationship with each other?”  
“Well…” Helena took a breath before continuing, “Demetrius was my ex-fiance. He left me for another woman. That woman happened to be in a committed relationship with Lysander already.”  
“I’m assuming that woman was Hermia, the only other woman at the crime scene?”  
“Yes.”  
Puck took a brief glance at the notes he wrote so far, then turned his head back up and asked “your relationship with Demetrius, was it a bit rocky?”  
“Oh absolutely… but surely you don’t think I did it?”  
“Everyone’s a suspect, ma’am--”  
“I could never, I loved him,” Helena interrupted, looking as though she was on the verge of tears, “but he didn’t feel nearly the same, hence why he left… I tried to catch up with him that night, but he absconded, I think he was running away from or after something. I went looking for him but got lost in the woods. An hour or two into my search I heard a scream… I ran to where I thought I heard it but no one was there. Then a few hours later, I came upon a clearing in the woods where I found Lysander, Hermia, and Demetrius’ body.”  
“What time was all of this at?”  
“Well, it was about 4:00 pm when I saw him and Lysander argue, then I tried to catch up with him at 10:00 pm. I must have gotten lost in the woods for three hours give or take?”  
“How did you manage to run into Demetrius at 10 pm if he died at 5 pm?”  
“I don’t know detective, it doesn’t make any sense. Maybe I ran after a man who only looked like Demetrius? I could have sworn it was him.”

***

Next was Lysander.  
“What were you doing the night of the murder?” Puck inquired, “Start from about 4 pm and go from there.”  
“Hermia and I were paying a visit to Theseus and Hippolyta,” Lysander began. Earlier that year, two of Athens’ most prominent political figures had gotten engaged, and this news swept the city. Theseus and Hippolyta were both munificent in their charity work, respectable in their politics, and thus well-liked as public figures.  
“We were congratulating them for their engagement. Then when we left, Demetrius accosted us. He had the audacity to interrupt us the second we stepped outside and start yelling in our faces. but then again I never look forward to seeing him.” Lysander continued.  
“Why is that?”  
“He can’t seem to leave Hermia and me alone. She rejected him, not too long ago. Anyway, we left as soon as possible, but not after Demetrius told me to meet him in the woods later for a fight--”  
“So he challenged you? Did you accept?”  
“Unfortunately for my case, yes. But I had other business in those woods. Hermia and I were planning a sojourn a few miles out of the city-- to get away from people like Demetrius. We planned a route through the woods that would be the quickest way and would practically ensure we wouldn’t bump into Demetrius again. I had actually forgotten the fight altogether. We heard a scream and thought to make our way to where it was at, but then around 2 am, we stumbled upon a clearing where we ran into Helena and the body.”

***

After interrogating Hermia as well, he compared Hermia and Lysander’s alibis. They lined up perfectly.

The next to be interviewed was a motley group of theater kids from the local performing arts college. Each had a very distinct style and way of acting, but none of it was good and none of it worked together. While some were simply insipid and bland in their styles, others were vivacious— to put it nicely— and their wild gesticulations distracted from their overall performance.  
The night of the murder, they had been rehearsing in the forest where Demetrius’ body was found.  
The leader of the troupe was a funny man named Nick Bottom, who Puck already assessed he could not stand: the way he carried himself, how he spoke, and the gait he walked with all screamed overconfidence and unawareness.

“Where were you the night of the murder? Describe in detail what you were doing” Puck asked.  
“My troupe and I,” Nick started, “were practicing our rendition of Pyramus and Thisbe, working out casting and learning our parts.”  
“So why were you in a forest?”  
“The fresh air helps the troupe perform better. It was about 3:00 pm when we started and it took a couple of hours to perfect the casting-- would’ve taken less if the troupe didn’t fool around so much.”  
“Then what happened?”  
“I saw Lysander run into the woods.”  
“Was he alone?”  
“Surprisingly not. Demetrius was running after him.”  
“Demetrius!? What time was it?”  
“Oh, it must’ve been 4:45 or so. Then the most phantasmagoric thing happened-- he no longer looked like Lysander. It was like something out of a dream-- he seemed to switch forms right before my very eyes.”  
“Did you see what he looked like?”  
“No, he pushed me into the bushes behind me, I fell on a rock and when I woke up, I couldn’t remember his face, only that one minute he looked like Lysander and the next he didn’t. When I woke up, it was dark outside and both of them had left, too!”  
“Did anything happen next? Did you hear a scream?”  
“Oh no-- but I did get caught on some bushes while making my way back to my troupe and I got startled and screamed quite loud.”  
So now Puck at least knew where the scream came from. But something wasn’t lining up between Lysander and Nick’s alibis.

*** 

Late into the night, Puck continued working on the case. The blood samples found on Demetrius had mysteriously gone missing sometime that day. And as Puck tried and failed to piece together the alibis and narrow down the list of suspects, he slowly came to the realization that the case had more layers than he previously thought, retribution was not in the near future, and the true killer would have impunity until then.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another school assignment, if you guess the 15 vocab words you win a prize :)
> 
> This chapter's shorter than the first because I didn't want to torture my teacher again by submitting a 5 page doc for an assignment that was supposed to be one paragraph lol

The next morning, Helena was found passed out in a graveyard by a mausoleum. She was taken to a hospital where it was found out that just before sunrise, she had been anesthetized, likely with the sedative Methohexital. When she regained consciousness, she said she couldn’t remember what had happened or why she was in the graveyard to begin with.

He didn’t have to think for long before Puck rationalized that whoever attacked Helena was likely involved in the case, or possibly the killer themself. He set to work finding out who was in the graveyard.  
But before that, he reviewed the notes of the case.   
The timeline seemed too convoluted and it didn’t make any sense; and Puck was still hung up on how Helena managed to run into Demetrius five hours after his death. Or how Nick Bottom saw Demetrius chasing Lysander. But right now, how Helena ended up in the graveyard and if anyone else was seen there were the cardinal issues as the next step in the case. Everything else would have to wait.

***

With some quick research, Puck found the night guard that was working when it was estimated that Helena was knocked out. A quick interview with the guard revealed that a pedestrian was seen walking around near the graveyard at that time, who very likely could have snuck into the graveyard. 

Furthermore, the description he gave matched up with a description of Nick Bottom perfectly. And in a line up, the guard and Helena both separately identified Nick Bottom as the culprit. Puck thought that investigating Nick Bottom couldn’t hurt, especially with how unlikely Nick Bottom’s alibi had been.  
Furthermore, during the investigation, they found drugs in Nick Bottom’s home that were also found in Demetrius’ system. Other members in Nick Bottom’s theater troupe noted he frequently lied. The more they found out about Nick Bottom, the more likely it felt that he was involved.

However, there still wasn’t enough evidence to arrest Nick Bottom yet. Nonetheless, word got out to the press.

***

Titania was one of the most prominent journalists in Athens, and also happened to be the ex-wife of the Police Chief, Oberon. Puck had noticed her near the front of the crowd of reporters outside the police department that morning. There was what could only be described as an invigorated and cacophonous rally, protesting for Nick Bottom’s innocence. 

“There is vehement support for Nick Bottom’s innocence in the press, sir. I bet every reporter in the city believes it, and none of them are planning on leaving us alone unless we get some pretty incriminating evidence proving his or anyone else’s guilt soon” Puck reported to Oberon.  
“They aren’t omniscient,” Oberon replied, “ We have more info on the case then they’ll ever have.”  
“Your ex-wife has written some pretty interesting articles. She thinks we didn't do enough to call Bottom suspicious, she even called it a perfunctory investigation.”  
“It’s all jargon. The press thinks that if they can use big and confusing words that the public can’t discern then they’ll just believe what the headline says, as if there’s not a single skeptical member of the audience. Until the case is closed, I’ll have to find some cops to get Titania to drop reporting on it.”

The case was certainly not near being closed, but Puck still felt pretty confident that this lead on Bottom would get them closer to bringing Demetrius’ killer to justice.

**Author's Note:**

> Update: the second chapter has been written but I also wrote it for an English assignment, so I’m gonna have to wait for my teacher to grade it before I can upload it (so I don’t get accused of plagiarism or anything)(second chapter will also likely be shorter since I decided not to torture my English teacher so much by writing five pages for a paragraph assignment again lol)


End file.
